So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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