I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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