So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
