I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
