Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
pop tarts are not kleenex
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
