if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
