The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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