Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
