yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
