You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
