omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
