we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
