I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
