There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Boobs are out for the taking
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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