Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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