The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
