his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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