I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
