I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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