I think I died a long time ago.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
