why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My vagina just clenched in fear
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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