Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
