i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
