It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
