the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My breasts were aching with rage.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
