i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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