Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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