are you still at the devil's house?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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