The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
