Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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