My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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