to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When are your genitals available?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
