just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
