Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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