i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
