Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
be right there i have to get my cape
It's rum buckets o'clock
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm bleeding and have questions
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
