it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
