so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
