apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
