So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
