Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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