The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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