it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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