I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
