my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
