To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
