What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
