your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
