i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
