hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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