Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize