Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Your dad touched me again.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
