OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
