you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
