I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
