How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
