If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
FUCK WHALES
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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