it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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