Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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