He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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