Will you blow on my dice?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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