The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
