the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize