and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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