Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
