yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
