There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
