I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
